2013: The year I cared very little and cared a great deal.
Let me explain.
They say it takes seven years to master something, and as I enter my seventh year as the caretaker of FLUX., I still feel very much the student; deliriously curious, impatient and thirsty for knowledge. Everyday I continue to learn alongside you.
Looking back, the first few years of the site were spent getting things up and running and sharing a lifetime of knowledge and inquiry that had built up inside me. I had no idea what I was doing, but I figured it out along the way. I set out to make the arts feel a bit more accessible and to champion the endeavors of our creative community. And over time, I expanded my role as a blogger and grew to become a curator among other things.
In 2011-2012 this personal development led to an internal conundrum as I began to add slashes to the “what I do” shpiel. I found myself a bit embarrassed when I used to say, “By day I’m a financial analyst, but I’m also an arts writer..and an arts advocate..and a curator..and an art consultant..and..” It was all true, but for some reason I felt like an impostor. I couldn’t possibly be all those things. Or so I was told.
And then 2013 happened. I can’t put my finger on it, but it was the most adult year I have ever experienced and I finally feel as though I have come into my own. Aside from all the engagements, marriages, and children that have appeared on my newsfeed to remind me that I’m getting old and decrepit, I have grown more confident in the projects I pursue and the voice that I share. I have a few years under my belt of finding my way, and it’s those scars and tiny victories that inform my future decisions.
Tangibly, I also moved out of a large artist loft building downtown into a quiet home outside the city that has a fenced-in yard for my four legged intern, and.a.vegetable.garden. What happened to me? (Also, how did I manage to kill basil last Spring?)
Strangely enough, I feel more creative here than I did in a building full of creatives. I have a studio where I can hide and sometimes make my own art, I get to look at trees outside my window, and experience art in the city whenever I want.
At this point, all of my slashes no longer matter. Somewhere along the way I stopped caring. Instead of feeling insecure, I am now proud of how far I’ve come and embrace each new skill I learn. I think as a society we are finally realizing that people can no longer be defined by their desk jobs and that a piece of paper no longer makes you an expert. I look forward to adding new slashes to my repertoire in coming years and hope that it doesn’t leave too many brains splattered across the walls. /Author? /Teacher? /World championship banana bread maker?
I realize this all may sound fairly melodramatic coming from someone who is a “blogger”. But really, this site is a reflection of me finding my way. My journey. The more I learn about the art world, the less I know what I want to be when I grow up. But the more people I talk to and the more I learn about your worlds, the more I feel confident that the path I’m currently traveling is the one I’m supposed to be on.
I care a great deal about this city. 2013 has been kind to me and I thank you for keeping me smiling and inspired. And while I have no idea what 2014 has in store (I have a better grip on 2015..wink)I have a feeling this year will be wonderful for all of us. So keep being you, slashes and all, and I’ll see you at the next opening.
cya 2013, it’s been real.